Merry F***ing Christmas, Harry Potter
by Wolf and Fox
Summary: This is your basic Harry Potter story on crack. Written in Ron's POV. Basic Wolf and Fox mayhem. Have fun kiddies! Ü
1. And They Thought Voldemort Was Trouble

Chapter 1: ..And They Thought Voldemort was Trouble

Ron Weasley woke with a groan as he heard several loud explosions come from the floor underneath him. "Fred and George!" He said, exasperated, and crawled out from under his covers. He didn't really mind that he had been woken up, but he _did _mind that nobody had come to wake him up earlier. One thing that nobody in his family had noticed was that today was his birthday. Yes, Ronald Weasley was going to be sixteen years old today, and starting his sixth year at Hogwarts tomorrow. 

Ron sighed as he thought about the day ahead. Harry was coming at eleven o'clock this morning, and bringing his stuff for school. They would be taking him, Ron, and Ginny, Ron's little sister, to King's Cross tomorrow, to catch the train at Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters. Not expecting so much as a birthday card, he went downstairs slowly. 

As he reached the final landing of stairs (his room was on the fifth floor), he groaned as he heard his mother yelling at Fred and George, his twin brothers, who were home on vacation. _Probably blew up one of her Lockhart books again. _He thought smugly, and smiling, entered the kitchen. 

The scene that had met his eyes was not what he expected. Ingredients from what looked to have been Treacle Fudge were strewn across the entire kitchen, plastered on the walls, and even on the underside of the table. Fred and George were standing with their hands behind their backs, looking guiltily at the mess. Mrs. Weasley was still shouting, and then, all of a sudden, yelled, "_Accio Fireworks!" _With that, several large bags of Filibuster's Fireworks zoomed out from all sorts of unlikely places. She caught the last bag, which had come from Fred's cap, and threw it into the fireplace. The fire roared as all of the fireworks lit, and sputtered. 

"...Sorry mum...we won't do it again..." They mumbled at the same time, and shuffled out of the kitchen, still looking towards their feet. Mrs. Weasley sighed and took out her wand once more. Uttering different words, the kitchen suddenly started to clean itself. Ron cleared his throat. 

"Oh!" She said, in a surprised tone. "Ron! I didn't think that you would have been up so early!" Mrs. Weasley gasped. 

"Yeah, well, neither did I." He frowned, thinking about the explosions. He decided to avoid the subject. "So what were you making the Treacle Fudge for?" He asked hopefully. 

"Oh dear. I don't have enough ingredients to make another batch. It was for Harry, dear. The poor dear probably hasn't had much to eat since he came home for the summer. Now, be good and go clean your room, dear." She said with a sniff. Ron sighed, and started to head back upstairs. 

_Harry this, Harry that! When will **I **ever get some notice? _He wondered to himself miserably. As he went past the den, he noticed his father in there reading the _Daily Prophet. _Hoping to get some sympathy from him, he went in and sat down across from him. "Hey dad. Are Fred and George grounded?" He asked, with a hopeful tone to his voice. Mr. Weasley looked at Ron, and then frowned. _What did I do?! _

"Ron! Look at that mess you've made! Take off those socks!" Ron looked down at his feet, startled. Mr. Weasley never yelled! Ron quickly pulled his socks off, for they had bits of Treacle Fudge all over them, and he had been leaving a trail ever since he had left the kitchen. He hurried back up to his room as fast as he could go, hoping not to get into any more trouble before Harry got there. Ron sighed miserably as he started to make his bed, wishing that they could cast magic outside of Hogwarts. He looked into the mirror in his bedroom, and was taken back by the site he saw. His red hair was messier than it usually was, and he had dark circles under his eyes. His face was very pale, and he looked as though he had not eaten in weeks. 

_I look like I just died. And they don't even say anything about it! _Just then, Ron heard the doorbell. Harry was here already! He hastily threw some books under his bed, and surveyed his room. He could feel himself blushing with embarrassment. The Weasleys were a rather poor family, and Ron's room resembled a small pigpen. _Oh well. Guess I better go greet Harry, then. _He ran back downstairs, and heard the front door squeak open. 

"Oh, hello Harry, dear. Why don't you go put your things up in Ron's room?" His mother suggested warmly. 

"Thanks Mrs. Weasley. Where's Ron?" Came Harry's voice. 

"Oh, I'm sure that he is still trying to tidy up that mess he's got up there. You know how his room can get, Harry." Ron bristled as he heard both his mother and Harry laughing over the simple statement. Just then, Harry came into the hall where Ron was. He was lugging his heavy trunk, Hedwig's cage, and a long package, which Ron assumed to be Harry's Firebolt. . 

"Hey Ron! How's it going?" Harry asked cheerfully. 

"Fine." Ron grunted, and offered to take Harry's trunk.

"Thanks. Same place as last time?"

"Nope. You're going to be in Percy's old room. He has another place now. Come on, I'll show you." They started up the vast flights of stairs, and finally stop on the third story of the house. "Here, put your stuff in here." Ron said, and walked in. He set Harry's trunk down at the foot of the bed, and watched as Harry looked around the room. 

"Wow, Percy had a nice room." Harry commented, and set Hedwig's cage on top of the desk in the corner. 

"Yeah, well, that's Percy. Wanna come play Quidditch with me?" Ron asked. 

"Sure, but first, I've got something for you." He handed Ron the long package, and his heart skipped a beat. 

"Harry...this isn't...is it?..." He asked, stuttering.

"Well, open it up and see!" Said Harry impatiently. 

"Okay!" With that, Ron tore the paper off of the package, and gasped. It was a brand new _Firebolt, _something that he had been wanting for years. "Wow, Harry! Thanks!" He grinned, and touched the new broom ecstatically. Harry also tossed him another, smaller package. Ron looked at him with questioning eyes. 

"Well, go on! Open it!" Harry demanded. Ron tore open the package as quickly as he could, and found a new broom-servicing kit. 

"Harry! I can't believe it! Thanks!" He grinned, and rapidly started going through the contents of the kit. 

"Well, you want to go play Quidditch or not?" Harry asked.

"Oh yeah!" With that, they both bolted downstairs and into the clearing out back of The Burrow. 

***

"Ron! Harry! Come on inside! Mum's got supper fixed for us, with some more treacle fudge!" Ginny yelled into the falling blackness of the night. Having heard her, Harry and Ron landed on the ground, their faces red with exhaustion. 

"That was awesome!" Ron exclaimed. 

"Now you know how I feel every time I get on my broom..." Harry said quietly. Ron frowned. 

"What's the matter, Harry?" He asked curiously. 

"...Nothing...except..." He sighed deeply. 

"WHAT?"

"My scar hurt me last night...It woke me up..." Ron sighed. 

"Harry...did you write to Sirius?" He asked, putting on a concerned tone. Harry quickly looked over his shoulder. 

"Shh! Your mum doesn't know about him! Snuffles, remember? His name is _Snuffles." _

"Relax, Harry. Remember last year? When you were still in the hospital wing? My Mum was there, too. She saw Sirius, and Dumbledore told her about him. Don't worry." Harry relaxed for a moment, but then tensed again. 

"But...No, I didn't write to Sirius...I heard a rumor...I heard that Sirius was sent to a...well, that Sirius was caught...last week...by a Muggle..." Ron gasped, and stumbled backwards. 

"Wh...where is he? I mean, he's not at a Muggle police station, is he? He can break out of those!" 

"I know. You see...the thing is...they don't exactly know where he's at...they haven't seen him since he was caught..." Harry stared at the wall behind Ron so convincingly that Ron had to turn around to see if there was something. Abruptly, Ron's mother came flying into the hall where they had been standing. 

"Where have you been?! Everybody is waiting just for you two! Now go on, get into the kitchen!" She waited until they left the hall, and walked behind them, shooing them quickly into the kitchen. 

***

The next morning, Ron was woken by another series of loud explosions. _More than likely Mum didn't get their whole supply of Fireworks. _He thought to himself, laughing. Shrill screams, and the clanging of pans on the kitchen floor soon disrupted his laughter. He hurriedly got out of bed, and dressed as quickly as he could. Rushing down the ever-tormenting flights of stairs, he stopped outside the kitchen door, with his ear pressed against it. 

"Molly, shush! You've probably waken the kids! But, _listen to me! _There have been a few...well, several mishaps going on around here. There have been quite a few involvements with the Muggle peace-keepers, oh dear...I believe that they are called 'Please-Men.' Anyway, I have been hearing a few rumors that some...catastrophes...have been taking place in the Department of Mysteries. A couple of their Unspeakables were brought in this morning...I believe that they were the ones that started this whole ordeal. Poor fellows...I'm sure that they've got it in for them. Apparently, Memory Charms have been used so much on these certain Please-Men that they are afraid to do it again. Makes them a tad disoriented, you see, however, the last time the Memory Charms were used, they came home and practically beat their wives, not knowing who they were." He said, uncertainly. 

"Oh, Arthur! What are you going to do? Does this mean that you have to stay at the office for some extra time, dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked, her voice rising. 

"Shh! No, not that I know of. Unfortunately...well...you don't mind me bringing a couple of extra children home with me tonight, do you?" He asked hesitantly. Mrs. Weasley paused for a moment, considering the subject. 

"How are you supposed to get all of their things home with you, Arthur?" She asked, in an unconvinced tone. 

"Er...well...I was going to come home and fetch Ron and Harry...the children...girls...are the same age as them...and they could help with their things..."

"How are they supposed to get to your office?!" She asked, doubt in her voice. 

"I've had a portkey set to go off in an hour. I will apparate down to The Burrow, and fetch Ron and Harry. Please advise them to be ready. See you in a bit." With a loud pop, the noise from the kitchen stopped. Ron quickly ran back to his room, and pretended to be asleep. He heard his mother climbing the stairs after him, stopping in Harry's room on the third floor. After a few moments of hurried discussion, he finally heard two pairs of feet come into his room, and shake him. 

"Ron, dear...it's time to get up...your father needs some help down at the office today. There's some breakfast waiting in the kitchen. Hurry, before I have to set the ghoul on you." With those last words, Ron rapidly got dressed once more, and flew downstairs, meeting Harry at the bottom. 

"Hey Ron..." He said in a dull voice. 

"Hey Harry. Let's go get something to eat.. ." They both turned and headed into the kitchen, where the site that lay before their eyes was not the usual Weasley mess. Instead of Fireworks being strewn all over the floor, ashes from the fire were laying in piles across the table. Piles and piles of dirty dishes were in the sink, and batter from what looked to be breakfast was still in different bowls. They quickly ate a little of what Mrs. Weasley had put out, and went outside to wait for Mr. Weasley. Just at that moment, he appeared right next to them, and smiled grimly. 

"Hello Ron, Harry. Nice morning, isn't it? Well, let's be going." They set out towards the lot out back of The Burrow, and began searching for what turned out to be an old rusted soda can. Mr. Weasley checked his enchanted watch. "Er...we've only got about a minute...take a hold boys, you know how this works..." They each placed a finger onto the can. Within seconds, Ron felt that familiar sensation behind his navel. It felt as though a hook had been placed there, and somebody was tugging on it.

After a moment, he felt his feet touch solid ground, and he looked around at his surroundings. They were in a large circular, cut-off gap in a forest. It was dark, and rather spooky. Not unlike the Forbidden Forest. Mr. Weasley, Ron, and Harry all began walking what looked to be due South. After what seemed to be an eternity, they reached the end of the forest. It opened into a large clearing. A tall building stood. It had a small door for an entrance and no windows. 

"Here we are boys....The Ministry of Magic....My workplace." They walked to the small door and bent their heads as they walked in, so as not to hit their heads.

"Not exactly what I was expecting...," Harry mumbled to Ron as they entered a dimly lit foyer. "Seems more like a dark room for picture developing..."

"What?"

"Never mind Ron..." They continued to walk until they reached another door, this time, it was rather large and looked as if it were made for giants. Mr. Weasley opened the door and walked into a bright room. The ceilings were high and the walls were a light shade of blue with nice plush carpeting. Ron felt his feet sink into the ground a little ways. It was a nice feeling. Still, they trudged on, past a reception area where a tired looking witch sat, painting her nails a nasty shade of pink. Her face lit up when she saw them.

"Good morning Mr. Weasley...Are you here to.....take _them_ away?" she said in a somewhat confidential tone. He nodded and she sighed a breath of what seemed like relief. Mr. Weasley ignored her and continued to walk along until they reached yet another hallway. 

"This place is like a maze!" Ron said with an exhausted look on his face.

"It's easy once you've been working here for years." Harry and Ron dragged their feet behind Arthur.

"What exactly are we here for?" Harry finally asked as they reached ANOTHER door. Mr. Weasley hesitated for a second, before he could answer them, they heard Cornelius Fudge's voice raise very high as he shouted,

"Are you even listening to me?!" Ron couldn't resist, so he pried open the door a notch and peeked in. Two girls sat before a red faced Fudge. One of them had a pair of headphones on her head and was head banging, while the other one seemed to be quite keen on messing with the quills on Fudge's desk. The girl with the headphones on looked up at him from doing the metal sign with her free hand that wasn't placed tightly on her CD player.

"What?" The girl with the quill looked up too.

"Wha?" Fudge pounded his fist on his desk.

"I WAS ASKING YOU WHY YOU DID THAT TO THE PLEASE-MEN!!"

"_Police men_..," the girl with the quill in her hand corrected.

"DAMNIT! That's what I said!"

"Uhh...No..," The girl with the headphones retorted.

"Yes it was! Don't argue...Go back to listening to your Muggle music...I mean! Pay attention!!" In spite of what he said, the girl put her headphones back on.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!!!??? FOX?!" he looked over at the girl with the quill, "WOLF?!" he looked over at the girl with the headphones.

"Nope...," Wolf sighed. Fox looked up when the quill she was playing with broke.

"Uhh...Whoops?"

"ARRGGHHH!" He grabbed the broken quill from her hands and threw it across the room. "That's the hundredth one this MORNING!!! WHERE IS WEASLEY?!!" There was a moment of silence as Fudge began to pace back and forth behind his desk.

"Isn't this when you are supposed to resume your lecture?" Wolf asked.

"Oh yes...Thank you...I mean....Err.... WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO THE PLEASE-MEN?!!!"

"That would be POLICE MEN for the fiftieth time....And....you're being a tad bit redundant aren't you?" Wolf looked over at Fox and smiled with pleasure as Fudge began to bang his fist on his desk again.

"SHUT UP!" He yelled. They looked at each other and said in unison,

"Yes sir, anything you say sir, right away sir!" Fudge had about enough already.

"AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" He pulled on his hair and sat down at his desk, twiddling his thumbs. "Well...he should be here any moment now...," he said, trying to calm himself down. Fox had picked another quill up from his desk and was now "accidentally" tearing that one apart too. 

"Uhh...you were saying?" she piped up.

"Right...thank you young lady...I MEAN!!! Right....WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO THE PLEASE-MEN?!!!" They chorused together,

"THAT'S POLICE MEN!!!"

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!!!!!!!" He grabbed a wad of his hair and pulled it out of his head.

"That looked painful," Wolf said. Mr. Weasley couldn't hold back his laughter any longer. His chuckling echoed through the building in delight. 

"WEASLEY!!!!!!!!" Fudge bellowed.

"Yes!?" Arthur walked in quickly, Harry and Ron following closely behind. There was a moment of tense silence before the quill Fox was playing with snapped in two.

"Uhh.....Whoops?" Fudge started to bang his head on the desk.

"UGHHHH!!! Those are expensive quills!!! You have already ruined two million already!!!"

"Two million and one to be exact," Wolf said, pulling out her laptop and printing out a data sheet. Fudge looked up at Mr. Weasley and gave him a nasty smile.

"TAKE THEM! LEAVE!!! NOWWWWW!!!!"

"Awww....I wanted to stay and play with the quills," Fox sighed, picking up another quill.

"Yeah...Uncle Fudgy.......Can we stay...PWEASE!!!!" Wolf said in a fake child's voice. They both gave Fudge different variations of "puppy dog" faces. 

"G-G-GET OUTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!" Fudge stuttered. Fox stuck her tongue out at him and grabbed the last quill on his desk before she got up. Wolf gave him a menacing look.

"I know where you sleep..." Fudge shuddered.

"My God......that's a scary thought..."

"You betta recognize!" Wolf called out as she got up. Mr. Weasley, Ron, and Harry picked up their bags (which had been so kindly thrown in the office by the receptionist) and headed for the door. Fox followed them, and Wolf shortly behind. Fox tripped over an antique vase and fell on Ron, the vase shattered and he dropped her bags. Fudge was now a bright red.

"OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!" He bellowed. Wolf helped Fox out and before she left his office, asked,

"This doesn't mean we're fired....does it?" Fudge picked up his empty quill holder.

"OUTTT!!!" Wolf ran out of the room and slammed the door shut just as he threw the quill holder.

"We still have our jobs!" Wolf called out to Fox as they walked down the hallway. They passed none other than Percy in the halls, he was on his way to Fudge's carrying a "classified" folder under his arm.

"The caldron crisis....Day three hundred and sixty something...," Wolf whispered to Fox as he walked by. Percy turned on his heel and faced them.

"I heard that! I would just like to inform you that my work is very important! I heard Fudge yelling at you two....AGAIN! He should fire you!!!" Wolf gave him an unamused glance.

"Well Mista Percy," she said in a southern accent," I hate to tell yeh this, but I reckon' we's the only people he can find for the job..." Wolf pinched his cheek like a grandmother would and gave him a big kiss on the lips. Ron was disgusted. "I watch too many episodes of looney tunes. Bugs Bunny is my hero...Wait....No that's Groucho Marx...Sorry..." Percy looked utterly shocked and hurried down the hallway. "You damn right!" she called after him. Mr. Weasley was not amused.

"Wolf! Fox! Behave yourselves!" They both looked at each other, and grinned demonic smiles, saying in unison, 

"Yes sir, anything you say sir, right away sir!" They burst out laughing, and Wolf grabbed her CD player from her pants pockets. 

"YE-AH!" She yelled. Ron and Harry looked towards the pair of them with interest. 

"Where're you from, anyway?" Harry asked, directing it mainly towards Wolf. She looked up from doing the metal sign and raised an eyebrow. 

"Uhh...Yremogtnom..." She said. 

"...Where's that?" 

"...Uhh...America? I think...last time I checked, at least..." She grinned evilly, and ran to catch up with Fox, who was talking to Mr. Weasley. 

"-The Burrow? Never heard of it...uhhh...where exactly is Hogwarts at?" 

"I don't know. I don't think anybody does, besides Dumbledore." He replied. 

"Dumbledore? Who the hell has a name like that?!" Wolf asked. Mr. Weasley eyed her. 

"Never, _EVER _talk about your headmaster like that!" He roared, his face turning red. 

"Unless his name is Cornelius Fudge..." She replied, somewhat silently...for her.

"You don't mean to tell me that you've never heard of Dumbledore!" Harry gaped. 

"I reckon that's what I'm tellin' ya!" Almost everybody in earshot turned to stare at the back of her head. Immediately, whispers broke out, making it seem like silent winds were following them down the endless halls. Wolf looked behind her, and the whispering stopped automatically. "I feel like I'm a character in a bad book or something..." She turned back around again, and followed the Weasleys and Harry out of the Ministry of Magic Office. 

"You said something about a job here...what exactly did you do?" Harry asked, trying to start up a conversation once again. 

"Well...ya see...." Mr. Weasley shot her a warning glance, and she started again. "Secretarial work..." As she turned to see what Fox was up to, she saw her trip over Ron's robes, and fall onto the ground.

"Owww...ugh...that kinda sucked..." She said, getting back to her feet, immediately to catch _her _shoe laces on a nearby tree limb, and stumbling once again. "Ah, crap!!" She yelled, grabbing onto Ron for support, who was nearest by. He fell over, dropping all of the luggage he was carrying onto Harry, which, in turn, hit a close by tree. 

"Fox...your klutziness is contagious..." Wolf said, and laughing, helped all of them up. Mr. Weasley was surveying the scene with a look of utmost contempt on his face. She noticed the look on his face, and took a look at everybody. "Uhhh...how about I just carry all of the luggage?" She asked, in an innocent voice. Fox looked at her suspiciously. 

"...whatever..." She leaned over, and whispered, "what exactly are you planning to put in them _this _time?" She asked. "I don't think that we have anymore of those Dung bombs...at least...I don't have any..."

"Oh, nothing..." She said, still using that innocent voice that got on Fox's nerves. Fox eyed her. "Well?"

"Never mind...." Harry, Ron, and Mr. Weasley glanced at them suspiciously.

"Uhh...there's a tree....and what do you know, there's another tree...And another...," Wolf spoke up louder, doing a horrible job of covering up their conversation. Fox shook her head.

"I thought you could do better than that....seeing how we were..."

"SHUT IT!" Wolf exclaimed.

"Oh yeah...." Fox fell silent. Ron looked over at Fox. 

"What were you?" Before she could get a word in, Wolf said,

"Death and decay! Hey....I need help tying my shoe laces...Fox..will you stay behind with me?" This would have been another poor excuse, had it not been for all the luggage she was carrying.

"Uhh...sure." Fox looked around at the others. "Okay..." Wolf dropped the bags on the ground after Ron, Harry, and Mr. Weasley were out of sight.

"Should we apparate now? Walking to that damn portkey is going to be a pain in the ass!" Fox looked around to make sure no one was looking.

"SURE!" 

"By the way...can you tie my shoe....I can't reach it...my arms are too tired." Fox sighed and tied her shoe lace. A little too tight....Wolf couldn't feel her leg after about five minutes.

"DAMNIT!! UNTIE IT!!! QUICK! QUICK!!" She quickly untied the shoe. "This time, don't tie it so tightly." Wolf watched Fox carefully as she tied it this time. "That's better...I can feel my leg. Good job!" Fox sighed as Wolf picked up their bags again.

"Ready to apparate?"

"Yeah.."

"Alright then.." Fox stood there a second and finally said,

"You don't think we should tell them we are gonna apparate..do you?" Wolf rubbed her chin and thought for a second.

"Nah!"

"OKAY!" They disappeared in a puff of smoke.


	2. If Something is Lost and You Don’t Want ...

Chapter 2: If Something is Lost and You Don't Want to Find it, Don't Look for it

"Where are they?" Mr. Weasley growled after they had been walking for several minutes.

"I don't know....She did have on those really tall boots....Maybe it takes a long time to tie them...," Ron said. Mr. Weasley gave him a disapproving look.

"That is no excuse...They should be able to tie their shoe laces! They are not kindergarteners! Well....Okay, maybe Wolf acts like one, but still! All the extensive training they have been through! You would think that tying your shoe laces wouldn't be _that_ difficult for them!!"

"What kind of training?" Ron questioned, interested and finding out what was going on.

"Well, first...." Mr. Weasley cut himself off and glared at Ron. "That is not very funny Ron." For some reason, Mr. Weasley had been rather grumpy ever since they met Wolf.

"You don't care for Wolf, do you Mr. Weasley?" Harry asked, bluntly.

"Uhh...I'm sure she means well...but....Quite frankly...there's just something about her that brings out the worst in everyone.....Probably related to You-Know-Whole," he whispered.

"Maybe we should go look for them..."

"We can't, Ron. The portkey will leave without us! You boys don't know how to apparate...and..." Mr. Weasley had a look of pure horror on his face.

"What's the matter, Dad?"

"THE PORTKEY WAS WITH THE LUGGAGE!!!!!"

~Meanwhile~

"You suppose they will be needing this rusty, old can?" Wolf asked, grinning evilly.

"Come on Wolf...We should apparate.....You know...Go back and get them..." Wolf rolled her eyes.

"I suppose that would be the saintly thing to do....But I'm not a saint," she said, her grin widening. Fox gave her a piercing glare.

"Come on! They were the only family willing to take us in!" Wolf sighed heavily.

"My heart leaps out for them....Really it does..." Just then, Mrs. Weasley walked into the kitchen. 

"You say they should be coming by portkey any minute now..?" Wolf lowered her head.

"Uhh...yes ma'am..." Mrs. Weasley smiled.

"Such a nice girl...I can't see why there was such a fuss over you." Wolf fought hard to suppress laughter. Fox, on the other hand, looked determined to go back and give the portkey to them.

"Wolf! COME ON!!!!" Wolf sighed again and grabbed the can.

"Alright, alright...Follow my lead..." She walked over to the luggage and pretended to be sorting through the bags. All of a sudden, she yelled, "OH MY GOSH!! THEY LEFT THE PORTKEY WITH LUGGAGE!!" Mrs. Weasley gasped as she heard this.

"My goodness! Someone's got to give it to them!"

"We'll go...Don't worry.." Mrs. Weasley gave them both a hug.

"Such good girls...Be careful now." They nodded and apparated.

"When was it set to go off?!" Harry asked as he could feel time slipping away...FAST.

"Uhh...," Mr. Weasley said as he glanced at his watch. "In about five minutes," his voice sounded somber. 

"Ohh....There is no way....," Ron began.

"Yes......Knowing Wolf, we won't be home for another WEEK!" Mr. Weasley was definitely not himself. Suddenly, out of the brush, two figures appeared.

"NEVER FEAR!!! WOLF AND FOX ARE HERE!!!" Wolf cheered. His face became bright with pleasant surprise, yet he managed to say,

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! AND WHERE IS THE LUGGAGE!??"

"Well, we decided to apparate instead of using the portkey....and uhh..." Mr. Weasley's face changed for happy to angry.

"WHAT THE BLOODY-!!"

"LISTEN, WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO YELL AT EACH OTHER!! JUST GRAB HOLD OF THE PORTKEY!!!"Wolf yelled. As though it was a chain reaction to her words, Ron, Mr. Weasley, and Harry all grabbed hold of the portkey. A few seconds later, they were gone. 

"Come on, let's just GO!" Fox said, and her and Wolf apparated back to the Burrow. 

They arrived just as the others did. For one instant, Mr. Weasley looked relieved and happy, but in the next, his face contorted in fury. 

"JUST WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" He yelled. Mrs. Weasley appeared on the spot instantly. 

"What's going on?!" she asked.

"These two...!" he began.

"Are very sweet girls...Shame on you for frightening them Arthur!" She scolded. Wolf sighed heavily and grabbed her luggage from the large heap on the table. Fox looked at her with an unpleased glare.

"These people took us into their home! We should be a lot nicer to them....By the way...I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KISSED PERCY!" she whispered loudly in Wolf's ear.

"Didn't you know," Wolf began in a sarcastic tone," Percy and I are getting married next month..." Fox laughed a little and picked up her bags. "I just did that to scare the rule-loving freak.."

"Looks like you were successful," Mr. Weasley hissed silently when Mrs. Weasley had her back turned. Wolf smiled at him kindly.

"No offense Mr. Weasley...but Percy....He is one sick kid...." Arthur frowned.

"Just you wait...."

"Aww...come on, you must admit what we did to Fudge was funny." He smiled a little.

"Okay...so it was, but just behave and stay out of trouble while you're here...." 

"Yes sir, anything you say sir, right away sir!" Wolf said as she stood at attention and saluted Mr. Weasley.

"What is that?" he asked her when she did the salute.

"Show of....admiration and respect...Ummm....in the Muggle armed forces...You know, the Muggle peace-keepers?"

"I thought they were.....what are they called? Please-men?"

"Police men," Fox corrected as she followed Ron upstairs to Ginny's room.

"Right....I thought they were police men."

"Uhh....armed forces keeps the peace with other Muggle nations."

"Ohh...very interesting. I'd like to hear more about these....armed forces peoples." Arthur motioned for Wolf to take a seat next to him. She sighed heavily and sat down.

"Now....what exactly do they do to...keep the peace with other Muggle nations?"

Wolf sat there for three long, miserable, and boring hours, explaining all about the Muggle armed forces. Finally, Mr. Weasley had heard enough to be satisfied for the day. He rubbed his eyes and yawned as he got up from his chair.

"Well, thank you for that information....Very interesting. Right now, I think we should focus on getting ready for dinner. Just then, Ron, Harry, Ginny, Fred, George, and Fox entered from the backyard. They had been out playing Quidditch the whole time. Fox was nursing her injuries from falling off of the broomstick she was riding and falling into a tree (not to mention being stuck in it until they decided she would stop yelling at them). 

"I think that....YOU would have been better off staying inside and explaining the armed forces to Mr. Weasley, while I went out and played Quidditch..." Wolf's exhausted face managed to curve into a smile. Fox frowned and laughed hollowly.

"Shove it!"

"BWHAAA!!! SHOVE IT!!! SHOVE IT!!! SHOVE IT!!!" Wolf yelled, everybody in the room stared at her funny. Wolf's ears burned a bright pink and her face got red. "Uhhh....what?" Wolf asked innocently.

"Ha, ha....." Fox laughed.

"Shut it....!" Harry and Ron looked at each other with amused looks on their faces. "You have no right to be laughing....KLUTZ!"

"Shove it Wolf, just shove it."

"BWHAAA!!!! SHOVE IT......!" she stopped, noticing that everyone was looking at her and Fox. "Umm...well....lata!" Wolf darted up the stairs. Fox followed her up the stairs.

"I think I should introduce Mr. Weasley to Tales of the Gun...Or at least the History Channel..."

"Uhh.....I don't think that would be very wise...," Fox said in an uncertain tone.

"What could he possibly do?" All of a sudden, there was a loud bang coming from downstairs. Then there was a loud yelp. "Uhhh...I left my luggage down there...didn't I?" There was a brief moment of silence as Wolf and Fox stared at each other.

"OH CRAP!" Fox yelled. They ran down the stairs from Ginny's room. Mr. Weasley was clutching his eye and cursing loudly. 

"I see you found my BB guns.....," Wolf said in a half concerned half amused voice. "My guns are okay....Right?" she said a few seconds later.

"Bloody HELL!" Mr. Weasley shrieked. "What the hell were you thinking, bringing those metal wands into my house?!"

"Guns, Mr. Weasley, guns.....It was your fault anyways....For pilfering through my bags." Mrs. Weasley nodded in approval at what she said.

"That's right Arthur! Shame on you! Invading the poor girl's privacy!!"

"I was just joking Mrs. Weasley...I guess I shouldn't have brought my guns...I just thought they would make great anti-Malfoy weapons....Sort of like a bug-off spray....It was either that or a stun gun...Look at it that way..." Ron and Harry both looked over at her.

"YOU KNOW WHO THE MALFOYS ARE?!" they said in unison.

"Doesn't everybody? Those losers got off...Stupid Death Eaters...If I had it my way, they would have left the trial with a foot stuck up their..."

"WOLF!" Arthur bellowed. Wolf looked taken a back and grabbed her BB guns which were sprawled out carelessly on the table.

"Your eye alright?" she finally asked.

"Yeah....I.....I think I just grazed it..."

"That sounds bizarre....I wanna see!" Wolf pulled his hand away from his eye and examined it. "Wow....I never knew you could do that!"

"I feel a lot better now, thanks...," Mr. Weasley said sarcastically. At that moment, the large grandfather clock struck eleven A.M. Mrs. Weasley put her hands to her face. 

"Oh no! I forgot to make lunch for everybody in the-...excitement!" She said, horrified. Fox and Wolf looked at each other and grinned, somewhat maniacally. 

"You know what time it is...!" Wolf growled. 

"Um...eleven?" Harry suggested, at the same time Mr. Weasley said, 

"I don't know...what time is it?" He asked curiously. 

"Time ta tear it up!" Wolf grinned. 

"How about we go somewhere...out to eat?" Fox asked. 

"...Out to eat? Dear, we can't eat outside! Look at the sky!" Mrs. Weasley said. 

"No! I mean, let's go eat at a...at a Muggle restaurant!" Mrs. Weasley looked bewildered. 

"A Muggle restaurant, you say? Why, I never...! In all of my life...Muggles can't cook for several people, can they?" 

"A Muggle restaurant! Just think...! Do they have plugs there? And run off of ekeltricity?" Mr. Weasley asked enthusiastically. 

"It's _electricity, _Mr. Weasley!" Fox said, exasperated. 

"How do you guys know so much about... Muggles?" Ron asked uncertainly. 

"We were...uuuhhh..." Fox started awkwardly. 

"In advanced Muggle Studies. And very good at it, too." Mr. Weasley said in a fierce tone, directed mainly towards Wolf and Fox themselves. 

"We were...? I mean, yeah!" They said together. At once, they doubled over laughing. Fox much more so than Wolf, however. 

"So...can we go?" Fox asked. Mrs. Weasley sighed, and looked in the direction of the kitchen. 

"I suppose that we must..." She said. She looked over to where Mr. Weasley was grinning. 

"Oh, goody!" He clapped his hands and smiled enthusiastically. Everybody else in the room sighed, and watched his rapid movements. 

"Happy day....," Wolf sighed as he pushed them out the door.   
"Alright...Since you two here are the Muggles....I mean Muggle experts, I want you to find us a good restaurant."

"Okie day," Fox said cheerfully.

"Indeed...," Wolf said somberly, the Jolt Cola and Penguins she had "over dosed" on were starting to wear off.

"Uhhh....so where's your car?" Fox asked timidly. Mr. Weasley blushed.

"We don't own one." All the Weasleys looked toward Ron and Harry, accusingly.

"No prob.," Wolf said, digging around in her pockets. She removed a toy car from her pants and set it on the ground.

"What?! Don't tell me we are supposed to all fit in there!" George exclaimed.

"Yeah! What kind of stupid git are you?!"

"Of course we aren't going to all fit in there!" Wolf said, smacking her forehead. She pulled out another toy car and set it on the ground several feet away from the first car. "_Enlargeous enchanto_!" Wolf said, waving her wand out at them. The cars grew into life-sized mini-vans. (No specifics in what the car brand names are mentioned out of refusal to advertise anything.....Suck it Trebek!).

"What exactly were you doing with toy cares in your pockets?" Fox asked as they climbed into the driver and passenger sides of the van.

"The same thing I would be doing with a broken disk, a pencil, and a wad of trash." Wolf replied. 

"...am I supposed to be surprised? Besides, why _are _you carrying all of that crap with you?" Fox retorted. 

"It has sentimental value!" 

"...Right...ha, ha...yeah...how can a bunch of trash be considered sentimental?"

"I don't know...it just is!" Wolf replied fiercely. 

"Wha...?...I'm lost...ugh...as usual..."

"I don't know...it just is! I said _that!" _

"...That?...you are messed up Wolf..." Fox had an extremely confused look on her face. Wolf sighed, and got into one of the mini-vans. Fred, George, and Harry were already in there. There wasn't enough room for the both of the duo. Fox climbed into the other mini-van, which held Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Weasley, and Ron. 

"I'm surprised that you aren't with Ron." Wolf said calmly to Harry. He shook his head. 

"I don't know...He seems kind of out of it today...don't know what's got him going...Besides...why aren't you with Fox?" 

"Dunno. Not enough room, perhaps?" She said in that sarcastic/cocky tone of hers. 

"Oh..." Harry shrugged. Fred and George looked back at Wolf, grinning. 

"Ever been to Hogwarts before?" They asked. Wolf shook her head. 

"Nah...been...uh...private tutored..." She said, somewhat awkwardly. 

"Awesome!" Fred and George said in unison, and grinned. "We've got some...jokes...you wanna come to our shop in Diagon Alley before you leave?" Fred asked. 

"When _are _we leaving for King's Cross?" Harry cut in. 

"In exactly one week. Ooh...boot to the head for Hogwarts! Yeah, sure, I'll come to your shop...what kind of stuff ya go there?" The twins proceeded to tell her everything about their shop, and how it came to...

"So...how far away is this 'Chinese' restaurant?" Ron asked Fox. 

"Ummm...I'm not sure...Wolf is the one who decided on it...I'm assuming that she knows how to get there...if not...well then...we'll be back in time to catch the train." Fox grinned, and laughed. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looked at the two. 

"So how did you and Wolf meet, Fox?" Mrs. Weasley asked sweetly. 

"Well...um..." She was trying to decide this so the answer didn't involve telling Ron about her job. "I'm not sure...we just...I dunno...sort of met?" She said meekly. Everybody laughed, and Mr. Weasley put his eyes back on the road. Without turning around, he said, 

"Er...Is Wolf...always...does she always act like that?"

"Oh, of course! She just...wouldn't be Wolf without acting like that...I guess that's why we get along so well...opposites make for very dear friends, as I'm sure you all know!" Fox leaned her head against the window of the mini-van, only resulting in the arm rest sliding back and hitting Ron in the face. 

"OW!" He yelled, his nose beginning to bleed.

"Um...oops?" She made a few napkins appear out of thin air, and handed them to him. 

"Thanks." He said, leaning his head back. The tips of his ears were bright red. Fox laughed as he blushed even more. 

"Aww...you look so cute when you blush!" She said, and grinned. This resulted only in him blushing an even darker red. "And your red hair and freckles are cute, too." She added. Mrs. Weasley turned around in her seat. 

"That's really sweet, Fox, dear. Oh, by the way, why can't I call you by your real name?" She asked. Fox looked alarmed, and stammered, 

"OH! But...but...that _is _my real name!"

"Arthur told me otherwise. I think that Allison is a lovely name." Fox blushed. 

"Well...thanks...but if I _ever _do happen to go by my...Muggle name...then they call me Alli. But please call me Fox, Mrs. Weasley." She said once again. 

"Nonsense. In my house, I will call you Allison, or Alli. I do not care for the names Wolf and Fox, so I will call you by your real name. Megan, too, the poor dear." Fox sighed. It was a hopeless fight. She put her arms down to her side, and accidentally hit the switch that leaned her seat back. Her shoe laces got caught onto it, and it continued to lean back, farther and farther, until Ron was almost completely squished behind her. 

"Oh no! I'm so sorry!" She said, and attempted to untangle her shoe laces from the switch, only to get them tied tighter. She tried to wrench them free, but pulled a little too hard. The switch flew off, and hit the window, shattering it. Glass flew in every direction, one rather large piece hitting her in her arm. She winced and pulled it out. "Menducio!" She whispered, and the deep cut on her arm mended itself. Everybody was watching her frightfully. "Rather useful spell...I use it often..."She grinned and laughed. Still, nobody was moving. "Uhh...yeah...right...anyway...How much longer?" Mr. Weasley checked his watch. Before he could answer, however, Mrs. Weasley gave a shrill scream. 

"Look at the other car!" She yelled, panicking. The car Wolf was in was smoking and swerving everywhere. 

"Oh shit!" Wolf yelled as she rolled down her window. She stuck her head out of the window and coughed. "I forgot to tell you, CARS DON'T HANDLE FIREWORKS TOO WELL!" She exclaimed, glancing past the smoke at Fred and George. "Ugh...I can't see a damned thing!" 

"Our mistake." Fred and George said, smiling. 

"Keep that in mind for the ride back to The Burrow." The smoke had started to clear out. 

"Owww..." Harry said, clutching his singed arm. 

"Menducio!" Wolf said, waving her wand. It healed instantly.

"Thanks..." He said, smiling kindly at her. 

"No prob. ..." She sighed and focused back in on the road...not paying attention to the speed limit, however. 

"I think that sign said twenty-five..." Harry alerted, as he glanced at the speedometer. 

"HA! That's too slow...We'll never get there before they close if we go 25 K. P. H.!"

"Uhh...where exactly is this place?" Harry asked. 

"MWHAHA!" Wolf laughed.

"What?" Fred asked.

"Oh...nothing...Wolf laughed harder as a police cars lights' started flashing. He wanted her to pull over. Wolf sighed as she pulled the parking break. Harry looked at her nervously. "It'll be fine Harry, don't worry." She said, as if reading his mind. A thin, sandy-blonde haired cop walked towards the drivers side window. He was rather tall with a medium build. Wolf's face contorted into a look of concentration as the officer came closer. It was as if she had seen him, perhaps even knew him, but she couldn't remember where from. Suddenly her jaw dropped as he took off his sun glasses. 

"ROY!" She yelled. Fred and George looked at her like she was crazy. 

"What?" Harry asked as he tapped on the window. Wolf rolled it down. The officers' eyes scanned over her face carefully, taking in every detail. 

"Wolf?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"Roy?!" Her face turned into a wide grin. 

"W-what are you doing in England?!" 

"Same thing I was going to ask you." 

"Am...am I seeing things? Are you really there? Is this all just a bad dream?!"

"Nope..." Her smile got wider as she reached out and pinched his arm. 

"Owww! THIS ISN'T A DREAM!" He exclaimed with fright. Roy started to back away from the car. 

"Fox is in the other mini-van...wouldn't you like to go say 'hello' to her?"

"N-no!"

"By the way...what are you doing here?" He shrugged his shoulders. 

"I don't know, this is your story."

"Right..." Wolf put her hand to her head. "You came here to get away from Fox and Wolf...correct?"

"Yeah! How did you know?!" 

"This is my story, remember dipshit?"

"That's right..."

"Well, sucks for you...cause I am going to be here in England for quite some time.." Wolf's face had a hint of a smile on it. 

"NO! NOT FAIR!"

"Alright, enough already. I gave you your cameo Roy...Now...SCAT!" She held up her fist and he ran back to his squad car, tripping and stumbling all the way. 

Fox watched as the police officer stumbled to his car. "He looks oddly familiar..." She thought to herself. The cop turned his head, and Fox's heart gave a leap. "ROY!" She yelled, and quickly grabbed a quill from her pile. Fox jumped out of the mini-van, and quickly ran to Roy. 

"F-Fox! Stay back! I don't have anything f-for you to break!" He yelled. Fox just grinned, and snapped her quill in half. 

"Uhhh...whoops?" She said innocently. She handed him the quill, and he fell into the door of his car. 

"DEMONS! EVIL! SATANISM!" He looked terrified. "BOTH OF YOU! STORY BACK! I'VE GOT GARLIC! AND A CROSS!" Fox noticed Wolf hop out of the other mini-can, and come over to them. 

"Sooo...oh, devoted guardian...I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET LOST!" Wolf said, bringing her fist up. Roy's jaws clenched. He started to laugh evilly. 

"NOT ANYMORE! I burned the paper...MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

"Oh, but I have another copy right here..." Wolf began to dig around in her pockets. She finally found what she was looking for. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

I, Roy Tavenger, hereby am able to qualify 

as a legal guardian to these 2 (two)

children. 

Megan Wolf

Megan Wolf

Allison Fox

Allison Fox

Judge: Sr. Jail Bounty 

Date: January 1, 1988

_____________________________________________________________________________

"There!" She said, shoving the paper under Roy's nose. He stopped for a moment, then grabbed the paper from her hands. Roy tore the paper in two. 

"HAHA! ALONE I AM BEST!" 

"Not really." Wolf sighed as she held out her wand. "Menducio!" The paper mended back together. Roy screamed, and climbed into the cop car. 

"DEMONS! MONSTERS! W-W-W-"

"Wizards?" Fox and Wolf suggested at the same time. 

"EXACTLY!" He drove off, leaving them in a cloud of dust. They both coughed. 

"I don't think he was too pleased to see us again..." Fox said, half-grinning, but with a semi-anxious tone to her voice. 

"YE-AH!" 

"Well...after what...after last time..." Fox started.

"Nobody would want to be around us!" Wolf finished for her. 


End file.
